When a Snorkel is Really a Straw

We are trying to get to the village of Afissos. After some misadventures, we finally make it to the village turn off. Afissos is a small, seaside town with only one way in and out, and parked cars lining either side. It took all of 30 seconds to realize that I had made a huge mistake. But, as with most mistakes, you are usually FUBAR'd within 5 seconds, and by the 30 second mark your life is irrevocably shattered. So, there I am stuck by the sea in a sea of automobiles- slowing down, stopping, sitting. Only enough room for 1 car, comfortably, but two lanes of traffic going, nonetheless. I find a place to turn around, and begin to fight my way back to the main road. I scrape against bushes, the occasional stone wall, and a few cars; but, I am determined to drive my way to victory. Finally reaching the main road-the theme from Rocky playing in my head- I drive to the next village. Everyone here is at the far end of the village. Sitting on sandy beaches underneath white umbrella's. Bite ME!! Give me the park bench in the sun, a rocky shore line, and I am fine. We park the car, grab our gear, and head to the water. Down the steps, into the water and. . . my pee-pee fleas back into my bladder searching for warmth. I attempt to yell, but my words freeze before exiting my lungs. I have a splendid idea, how about we just sit on the park bench and pretend we went swimming? No? After a few minutes I surrender to the cold, and plunge into the water. I am so excited because my father let me borrow his snorkels. He never lets me borrow things, so I am super excited as I attach the snorkel to my goggles. Did you know snorkels have a shelf life? Apparently, after 30 years rubber rots. I do not have a snorkel. I have a giant straw. This would be great if I were swimming in a chocolate shake. Thanks dad. I will save the snorkel/straw for my next trip to Aunt Bea's- they have great shakes