Shoes, Panties, and a Moo-Moo

Shoes, Panties and a Moo Moo: Newman needed shoes. As I write this she is explaining that her poor feet have been through so much, and that she has broken every toe. Then, why the hell did you bring the bull-shit shoes Newman? Have you not been into your closet- you know, the one with the 10,000 pairs of shoes? Yet, you bring the BS shoes. No support, and so tight that your toes are screaming for help. So, off we go on the hunt for shoes at the Market. One, MAJOR problem though (which I will get to in a moment), is that all the shoes are from Turkey (isn't that ironic, don't ya think?). Greeks hate the Turks. Despise them; but, the Turks have cheap shoes, so the Greeks over look all of the atrocities committed by the Turks on the Greek people because the shoes are 15 Euro. A steal! We (the Greeks) are really "getting-one-over" on the Turks with the cheap shoes. Except NEWMAN. Seems that the Turks cure their leather in Camel urine, and Newman is allergic to Camel urine; therefore, no shoes for you! So, we continue walking, all-the-while people are whispering to each other "Do you hear the cries for help?"

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A Moo-Moo: When all else fails, buy a moo-moo. Simple. A basic necessity for beach life. Just buy a piece of large, baggy clothing and all is right with the world. It is amazing the number of vendors in any country that sell this item. It is equally amazing that someone, NEWMAN, can tell the difference in the moo-moos. WTF. OMG and whatever else you can think of. Color, Style. One size fits all. Buy the bitch and let's go!! 5.985 steps (I know this because one of us has a Fit Bit) later we find THE moo-moo. The moo-moo to rival all moo-moos since the beginning of recorded history. It is a moo-moo that is the envy of all moo-moo wearers. Newman will grace the cover of Moo-Moo International, while I curse silently under my breath looking for a taverna.

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Panties: At last, after the shoe and moo-moo adventure, we are ready to leave the Market. 5,985 steps and my feet (in good shoes) are hurting!! "PANTIES," shouts Newman. "I need Panties." To quote Marlin from Finding Nemo- "Good Feeling Gone!" Now, we are on the hunt for 3 panties for 4 Euro. To the other end of the Market we go. Buying panties is not the thrill of my day, but apparently, some women, NEWMAN, enjoy this adventure. "Oh, look a dentist," I say. "I think I will pop in for a filling or root canal. Catch ya later." They are closed, so I am forced to be the wing-man on the pantie-buying adventure. We find the shop. Two women. Neither speaks the others language. One a shop owner, the other a customer. They get it. They understand the importance of the pantie-buying experience. Newman holds up one of the panties to her waist, stretches the material and asks the shop owner"Will this fit me?" The shop owner, smiles and says "Yes. Yes," because this is the ONLY word in English this woman knows! She wants to make a sale. She could give a shit what Newman is asking. In the meantime, I am looking for a policeman so I can steal something right in front of him and go to prison. There is never one around when you need him!!